Create a regular ritual where the day can start with waking up at a particular time, having breakfast with the family, getting ready for the preschool, dropping them off to the school gate and bidding them goodbye.
By Divya Palaniappan
Whether you are dropping your child at the daycare centre or simply leaving them at their grandparent’s house, farewells can be difficult for little ones, even causing a flood of tears and temper tantrums.
However, it’s a part of a child’s healthy brain development where they learn to distinguish strangers from caretakers. This is when they start displaying a preference towards people who they want to be close to. While it can be rough for parents when their kids are clingy and refuse to part with them, all that is required is to give the toddlers reassurance that even if you leave, you will always come back. Here are some easy ways to help both the parent and the child to deal with separation anxiety:
Model confidence
When finally, it’s your child’s first day to step into the pre-school, be calm and confident while you are dropping him/her off. It is quite normal to feel the anxiety and experiencing a heavy heart during their potential meltdown, but in the end, they will gather themselves back and pick these feelings up. One cannot deny the fact that it is the parents that pass on their anxiety to the kids. By exuding a sense of calmness in yourself, you are helping your toddler understand that there is nothing to worry about at this new place.
Make quick goodbye rituals a habit
While parting ways with their little ones during the day, parents usually tend to spend a lot of time in sending them off. From waving them goodbye in different hand movements, giving them multiple kisses to handing them toys or goodies that can keep them entertained in their absence, the transition time gets too long. This may drive the kids to become cranky and anxious. So, keep your goodbyes short and sweet because if you continue to linger around them, the transition time will increase and so will the anxiety.
Encourage kids to express their feelings
Crying and letting the tears out is the human body’s way of releasing emotional energy. It is quite normal to cry when you miss someone too much and as parents, you must let your child know that it is okay to feel happy, sad, excited or worried. However, it is important to ensure that they have someone they feel comfortable with sharing their emotions. This will build a sense of trust and security in them towards their caretaker and help them adapt to the separation from parents.
Establish a routine
Once you have noticed your child’s behaviour while parting, try to make it a ritual. Create a regular ritual where the day can start with waking up at a particular time, having breakfast with the family, getting ready for the preschool, dropping them off to the school gate and bidding them goodbye. Inculcating this sense of routine in them will give kids a better clarity on what to expect every day, thus, reducing the pain of separation. This will also enable your child to build trust in you and others at school.
Don’t ask for permission, but be specific
Don’t ask your child if they are okay with you leaving and what time you should be back. It is quite likely that they will refuse to let you go and will end up getting confused when you still walk away. Instead, discuss with them about your return and be very specific with.
Don’t punish your child for being anxious
While your reflexes might force you to scold your little one when they are throwing tantrums, remember that separation anxiety comes from your child’s fear that you’re not coming back. So, instead of punishing them, embrace them tight and assure them that you will be back soon. This will help the little ones in passing through this phase quickly and easily.
It’s quite unusual that separation anxiety persists on a daily basis even after the preschool years. Here, stability, endurance and love are key to steer through the tough times when your child is screaming for you to stay during the time of departure. No matter how difficult the situation may look like, keep yourself firm and gentle. Separation anxiety meltdown can be tough for toddlers, but by following these guidelines, parents will soon be able to leave a happy and secure child, who is ready to mingle with the world.
(The writer is Child Psychologist, Flinto R&D Center.)
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