Welcome to Stylist’s Sleep Diaries, where we’re taking a deep-dive into one of the most important (and elusive) factors in our day-to-day lives: sleep. To help us understand more about it, we’re inviting women to track their bedtime routines over a five-day period – and presenting these diaries to sleep expert Dr Nerina Ramlakhan for analysis.
In this week’s Sleep Diaries, a 27-year-old A&E nurse learns how to cope with restlessness when she gets into bed.
A little about me:
Age: 27
Occupation: A&E nurse (currently on maternity leave)
Number of hours sleep you get each night: 4-8 hours
Number of hours sleep you wish you got each night: 9-10 hours
Any officially diagnosed sleep-related problems (insomnia/sleep apnea): no
Do you grind your teeth/have nightmares: I occasionally have nightmares.
How much water you drink on average per day: 2 litres
How much caffeine do you drink on average per day: 2 coffees
How much exercise do you do on average per week: I do a couple of dance classes and a couple of long walks.
Day 1
Tonight I’m going to my first pole dancing class! I get home from class at around 8.45pm, and once my husband is done with bedtime he comes downstairs and we try out a new game on his VR headset (essentially a dance mat but for your hands – I’m immediately sold).
I had dinner before I went out but I’m hungry again after all that hard work, so I make some smoked mackerel on toast followed by a couple of biscuits before heading upstairs to bed.
At around 11pm I clean my face, brush my teeth and take my vitamins (B12, zinc, iron and vitamin D) before my baby wakes up for his final feed. Once he’s done and fallen back to sleep, I pop him back in his cot and head to bed where I scroll for a bit before putting on a podcast. I close my eyes at roughly midnight and manage to fall asleep pretty quickly.
I wake up around 2.30am: neither of my children need anything, but my brain has woken me up in a mild panic. Shortly after my baby wakes up, so I bring him in with me to feed. I accidentally leave the light on, so I’m half-awake until 3.50am when I put the baby back in his cot and turn it off. The baby wakes up again at 5am for another feed, before waking up for the day at around 7.35am. My husband takes him downstairs so I can sleep.
My toddler wakes up and comes in to my room at 8.30am, but my husband takes him downstairs too. However, my husband starts work at 9am so I get up feeling very achy and tired to face the morning. I eat breakfast (shreddies with oat milk and banana) and drink coffee while the boys play and watch TV. We head out to go swimming just before 11am.
Day 2
My husband does bath and bed time with the kids as usual, and by 8pm our toddler is asleep upstairs and the baby is asleep downstairs with us. We order a takeaway pizza because it’s Friday and we’re knackered, but we attempt to counteract it with some fruit afterwards.
We eat, watch an episode of The Rig and chat for a bit before I head upstairs at 10pm to have a bath. I’m in bed by 10.40pm and spend some time on my phone listening to a podcast, replying to texts and browsing Rightmove. I feed the baby to sleep, pop him in his cot and then settle down and close my eyes while listening to a podcast at 11.30pm.
I’m not in for a restful night, however. In fact, I wake up numerous times as follows:
- 1.25am: I wake thinking it’s 6am
- 1.48am: my toddler comes through and gets in bed with us
- 3am: I wake up to go to the toilet. The baby then wakes up to eat.
- 3.15am: I put the baby in his cot and try to sleep.
- 3.30am: the baby won’t sleep so I bring him in with me to co-sleep.
- 4.45am: I wake up and think I hear something downstairs, but give it a few minutes and go back to sleep.
- 5.15am: as soon as I’m drifting back off to sleep the baby wakes, but settles quickly.
- 6.30am: the baby wakes.
- 6.50am: the toddler wakes and the baby is still awake, so my husband gets up with them so I can catch up on some sleep (I do the night wakings, he does mornings so I can lie in).
- 10.20am: I wake up feeling tired and achy again. I lie in bed trying to decide whether to get up or doze a bit longer.
- 10.40am: I get up, brush my teeth and wash my face and head downstairs.
My husband makes me a coffee while I play with the boys. I find I’m way too tired/hungry/generally tetchy to successfully complete puzzles with a two-year-old so I swap with my husband until I’ve had a coffee and some food!
My husband is leaving tomorrow on an 11-day work trip (dreading it), so today will be all about sorting the house and his stuff so we’re all ready for it.
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Day 3
I have a well-deserved lazy day, and spend way too long making a quinoa and houmous salad, hasselback potatoes and veggie burgers for dinner. Once both the boys are asleep we watch a couple of episodes of The Rig which we snack on some chocolate wafers.
At 10.15pm I go upstairs and get ready for bed before feeding the baby and putting him down. I listen to a podcast and scroll for a bit and then lay down and shut my eyes around 11.30pm. I find it difficult to fall asleep and I’m still awake at 00.35am when our toddler comes through and gets into bed with us.
I wake up once or twice between 00.35am and 6am to feed the baby, but am too sleepy to make proper note of the time. When the baby wakes up at 6am my husband takes him downstairs. He does the same with the toddler when he wakes at 6.50am.
My alarm wakes me at 8.20am. I’m not ready to wake up but my husband is being picked up at 9am for his work trip so I have to get up. Once he’s gone, I make coffee and some breakfast (avocado on toast) and then get the boys ready to go out. At 10am we leave the house for a walk with my friend.
Day 4
My parents come around for the evening to have dinner and help with the boys. I make a vegetable pasta and my dad brings a lemon curd sponge for dessert. We watch Happy Valley until they leave at around 10.30pm.
I get myself ready for bed once they’re gone but I’m feeling really anxious. I struggle to sleep when my husband is away as it really exacerbates my worry about someone breaking in in the middle of the night.
The baby is wide awake, so it looks like I’m going to be up for a while. By 11pm I’m in bed with the baby, waiting for him to settle. I go and bring my toddler through to my bed as I worry more when he’s in a different room, and that way he can’t disturb me in the middle of the night. The baby falls asleep at around midnight. I finish an episode of Taskmaster as it’s a good distraction.
It’s 00.15am when I lay down to sleep. I wake up at 3:30am needing a wee so I go to the toilet, but decide I’ve heard something downstairs and can’t get back to sleep. I try to calm myself down and lay back down to sleep at 3.50am.
I don’t get much chance to fall asleep because my toddler wakes up at 3.55am asking for a drink. The baby then wakes for feed at 4.07am, and it’s 4.18am before I lay back down to sleep. It’s 7.20am when the boys wake up for good, so I have to as well.
I make coffee and breakfast (peanut butter and chia seed porridge), then get us all dressed. We head out to forest school at around 9.30am.
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Day 5
I notice a migraine coming on at around 5.30pm. Thankfully my parents are free and are just around the corner, so they come and collect the boys so I can recover.
I take medication, go to bed and sleep from 6pm until 9pm. I wake up feeling a little better and very hungry. I eat (pizza and ice cream, I don’t have the energy for anything healthy) and go back to bed. At around 11.15pm I lay down to go back to sleep. I’m missing the babies but it’s nice to know I won’t be woken in the night.
I struggle to get back to sleep, and eventually drift off somewhere around midnight. I wake up a couple of times in the night but manage to go straight back to sleep.
I wake up for good at 8am feeling better. I relax in bed for a while then get up at 8.40am to have a shower and get ready. I eat breakfast (a bagel with red lentil houmous and a little cheese), then head to my parents to pick up the boys and get a nice coffee courtesy of my Dad.
So, what does it all mean? A sleep expert offers her thoughts
Dr Nerina Ramlakhan, sleep expert and professional physiologist, says: “When we go to bed, as we make our way into the initial stages of sleep we go through a process of letting go of the day. Everything that we do during the day, every stress and irritation, can land in the nervous system and unless we find ways of letting them go as we go about our day, we can carry these disturbances in the nervous system into our sleep. They stop us falling asleep or might feel like agitation or restlessness in the body – as in your case.
“Clearly there is a lot going on in your life with two young children and a demanding job – I am glad you have the support of your partner and parents – but you also need to work on letting go at the end of the day. This could help with your restless sleep and occasional nightmares.”
Dr Nerina continues: “And how to do this? Your pre-bedtime routine could be improved. I would advise you to ditch the scrolling and texting and swap this for at least five minutes of pre-sleep yoga – even just breathing softly and deeply in child’s pose and then corpse pose will help you to decompress.
“When you get into bed, a simple meditation practice asking yourself ‘What did I appreciate about my day?’ can also help you to slide into restful sleep and help with anxious thoughts during the night. Gratitude is the perfect antidote to stress and it creates inner safety.
“And, as usual, can you stop checking and registering the time so many times during the night? This is definitely not helping you to get the restorative sleep that you need and deserve.”
If you would like to take part in Stylist’s Sleep Diaries, please email [email protected] with your age, using ‘SLEEP DIARIES’ as the subject. We look forward to hearing from you.
Lead image design: Ami O’Callaghan
Other images: Getty
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